So I’ve had these two princess attorneys as clients for about 10 years. I hear from them about once a year, and whatever the problem is, it’s the biggest, most important problem in the world and I have to drop everything to deal with it. But they pay.

I got a frantic text message from them one night about 8pm asking me if they had Windows 11. I told them no, that their hardware wouldn’t support 11. I spent 1 hours texting explaining why. They wanted quotes on 2 new laptops that night. I told them I would work on it in the morning as it was already 10pm.

In the morning, when my Lenovo rep got in, I asked for a few options and got them. I sent them over about 10am. Immediately the text messages started. The minutia rolled in. The text messages went on for the better part of two days. On the third day, I got a text saying that they had bought the laptops at a big box store. Now, they each had one at home and they wanted me to walk them through setting them up. “Ok” I said “But I will charge you each hourly to set them up.” I said. “What? Why should we pay you to help us set them up?” “Because you are using my experience” I said. “Well, we don’t think we should have to pay you.” Said one. “And I don’t think I should have to work for you.” I said “As a matter of fact, you’re fired.”

About a week later, I get an email asking for admin info and computer info. I immediately sent it over. That was a few months ago.

A few days ago, I noticed that my remote-control client was still on all of the machines. I sent a brief email saying that their new IT person missed a basic security tenant and didn’t remove my clients and check for other security issues. This is what I got back:

            Hi Scott, we would assume you would fulfill your obligations to remove yourself from any and all access to any computer, or information for our firm. Your services were terminated, and any unauthorized access will be handled appropriately.  Again, your services were terminated months ago, and you have obligations on your end to remove yourself and access.   Your anticipated cooperation is appreciated

Now anyone with a clue knows that as soon as the relationship is severed, the last thing that I can do is go into someone’s computer and delete things. Which I politely told her. To which she said:

            I demand that you remove any and all software from our computers immediately. If you fail to do so I will report you to the authorities.

I didn’t reply to that. It wasn’t worth the effort.

What would I even say?