The answering machine message.

Normal, IL Summer 1987. We had an answering machine, a landline, some leftover firecrackers and a lot of people calling us wanting money and a good stereo. We were poor deadbeat college students. I thought it was time for a good outgoing message.

I cut the fuses on two firecrackers to short and a bit shorter, about 2 seconds at longest. Put the answering machine on speakerphone and paused the record. I put Janice Joplin on the stereo reasonably loud singing “Mercedes Benz”. I took the recorder off of pause and began; “Hello?” I said and then immediately knocked on the wood paneled wall. “Hang on, let me get the front door really quick, I’ll be right back.” And dropped the handset on the table next to the machine’s microphone. There was a long hallway from where the phone was to the front door, and wearing my boots I loudly walked to the front door, whistling. I’d put sand in the hinges, so you could clearly hear the door open. I lit the fuses as I opened the door. “No! Wait! I’ll come up with it!” I yelled. Bang, Bang, and thud as I loudly hit the floor. For the next 50 seconds of the tape recording all that could be heard was Janis’s singing and then “Beep”. End of message.

My roommate’s mother heard it and freaked out and called the police. Who showed up an hour later. My own mother heard it and wasn’t sure what to think if it was real or I was up to something. We got some weird messages though. And none of them were from bill collectors.