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Read More: Crushed by a Car, a Stranger Comforted Him Until Help Arrived – Now They’re Getting MarriedA couple who met after one of them was run over and crushed by a car have tied the knot and celebrated with wedding photos at the crash scene. The story begins five years ago when Kirsty Southern rushed to help after spotting Ryan McLeod trapped underneath a vehicle. She had just left a swimming…
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Read More: These three homes have Halloween yard displays to die forIn Evanston, Old Irving Park and Ravenswood Manor, trick-or-treaters will delight in these over-the-top creations designed to scare the bejeezus out of us. Now this guy is COOL! Some people look at a skeleton and think, well, death. Graham Mabon looks at that same collection of bones and thinks: the life of the party. Wander…
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Read More: Kristie Noem Kills Second PuppyIn a fit of rage, Kristi Noem, our United States Secretary of Homeland Security shoots and kills her 8 month old German shepherd puppy for “messing” on the carpet. Using her 9mm service pistol she shot it once in the head and once in the chest just to “make sure”. No charges have been filed.
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Read More: Mike Johnson Has no Comment After Trump Demolishes His HomeWASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)— Mike Johnson had no comment on Thursday after Donald J. Trump demolished the House Speaker’s family home. Johnson had reportedly been asleep when a backhoe came crashing through the wall of his master bedroom, sending the Speaker and his wife fleeing for safety. At the White House, press secretary Karoline Leavitt…
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Read More: Vorkt: Vörkt n/a/v: DefinedAbout 15 years ago, my friend Rich and I decided to start a web forum. He had the technical skills, and I was going to handle the day-to-day operations of the site. The first thing that we needed was a name. I spent about a month playing with vowels and consonants trying to find a…
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Read More: Prince Andrew Announces He Will Move to America Where Government Protects PedophilesLONDON (The Borowitz Report)—On Friday Prince Andrew announced that he was moving to America, hailing it as “a country whose government protects pedophiles.” “My bags are packed for Washington, D.C.,” the disgraced royal told reporters at Heathrow airport. “If you’re a pedophile, it’s a sanctuary city.” “If the federal government has a list of pedophiles—poof—it…
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Read More: Meet the Welsh Puppies Stopping Wildlife Poachers in AfricaIn the lush, emerald hills and valleys of Wales, dogs are trained to protect endangered wildlife a whole hemisphere away. Their scent tracking allows them to turn hunters into the hunted, and catch poachers even in total darkness; even hours after they’ve left their kill sites. After a decade of work in Africa, these special…
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