WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)— Mike Johnson had no comment on Thursday after Donald J. Trump demolished the House Speaker’s family home.

Johnson had reportedly been asleep when a backhoe came crashing through the wall of his master bedroom, sending the Speaker and his wife fleeing for safety.

At the White House, press secretary Karoline Leavitt offered scant explanation for Trump’s decision to level Johnson’s dwelling, saying only that he “felt like it.”

After initially refusing to comment, Johnson told reporters that he was “sure the President had a perfectly good reason for doing it” and invited Trump to total his car.