In some random bar that I didn’t belong in to start with.

Asheville N.C., 1985; I find my 18 year old self in a bar that is definitely on the low side of dive. The country music is blaring, everyone is wearing cowboy boots, a cowboy hat and have big belt buckles. I’m betting that there is a max IQ for the bar, and it’s well below 100. I’m not sure what I’m doing here other than I got taken there by my friend S who I am staying with. The table next to us has 4 people sitting at it, and the men look like they’d make good models for a steroid ad. Between them they don’t have a full set of teeth. One of the  brutes gets up, loudly announcing that he’s “going to the can”.

The next thing I know, one of the scantily clad women from the next table is in front of me, demanding that I dance with her. I politely refuse. She asks me “aren’t I pretty enough for you?” puffing out her ample breasts, and then grabs the sleeve of my jacket and pulls me out of my chair, towards the dance floor. I’m doing a definite “WTF” at this point looking for a way to escape and not be too rude. She grabs my hands and starts dancing with me. This went on for what seemed like hours when I know it was only minutes because all of a sudden something slammed into the side of my head. I flew about 5 feet and hit the floor like a sack of potatoes.

Stunned, I attempted to focus on what was around me. And then I looked up. Standing probably 6’2” was a blue jean and black t-shit with something on it, clad monstrosity. With few front teeth. “Whatcha’ doing with my wife boy?” he bellowed at me over the music. I was looking down the barrel something that had 6 chambers and was chrome. “She wanted to dance?” I tentatively said. “I did not!” The purported floozie yelled. Now I was feeling really set up. “Tell you what mista’, I didn’t do nothing, so how about you just let me go on my way? Ok?” “Let him go Earl,”, said the floozie “he didn’t mean nothin’.” Earl took 3 steps towards me, covering most of the space between he and I. I curled up thinking I was going to be kicked or shot at very close range. The people around us on the dance floor just made a wide circle around. Silently. He paused wordlessly, then he turned around and walked away, grabbing the woman on the way past. There had to be an angel hovering just behind me that convinced him not eradicate me on the spot.

After all the drama I never did get a beer, I felt it best we leave.